INDIAN WOMEN: AN INNER DIALOGUE
– INDIRA G PARIKH
– PULIN K GARG
The title caught my eyes. As I had been seriously deliberating on the status of women in Indian society or Kerala society or any society for that matter, I thought I must find some answers or rather guidance.
The book deals with status of women in the Indian society and the reality of marriage. A female child is seen as “paraya dhan”, property to be transferred to the rightful owner. She is both a liability and a burden.
Marriage is a big hype. A woman enters the institution expecting to find her own space, acceptance and a new family. But in reality, she is cast out from her own family, and the new “family” puts her under constant scrutiny. The husband, eager to remain a dutiful son, is often of no support. Most of the hope of a romantic encounter remains unfulfilled. The burden of re-rooting herself is entirely hers. Resentment and disillusionment follows. Life seems meaningless. Yet she is expected to live up to a variety of expectations defined by social tradition with little hope of ever becoming her true self.
Those who find the courage to venture into forbidden territories are treated harshly and are considered rebels. Guilt is the weapon with which the society binds a woman to a myriad of roles – a dutiful daughter, loyal wife, obedient daughter-in-law, a good mother, never a human –a person. It seems that a woman finds release and freedom only in death.
Now, how can a woman take charge of her life and carve out a space for herself? How can she make the society understand that she is not competing with men but creating an equation all in an attempt to find a corner where she can breathe?
Each woman attempts to answer the question in her own manner. Spiritualism, rebellion – everything is tried. There is no capsule solution. Somehow she has to find the courage to stand by her own convictions – not the ones thrust upon her by the society.
Some afterthoughts:
Kerala society as a whole is hypocritical. My reader’s if any, are free to disagree. I am expressing only my thoughts. Outwardly, we wish to be modern. At the same time, we wish to be keepers of the tradition. Genuinely we believe that we have found a balance between the two.
Why? Is it because we educate our girls and give them a say in their own marriage? And what is the reality of this marriage? What happens afterwards? How do we help our children cope with this uprooting and rerooting? What support system do we have in place to help them cope with this new life, and develop a family of their own? Let me ask the bitter question? What opportunity do they have for romance?
The mind is churning. Another feminist! Am I? Marriage is dignified servitude. Do you think a woman was born to burn like candle to help everyone else but never herself?
I have come to abhor the word “sacrifice.” Our society is based on sacrifice. A girl child is born to be the sacrificial lamb. What are these sacrifices for? Whom do these sacrifices make happy? Yeah! I have said the taboo word- Happiness! Who am I to wish for happiness? DUTY!!! – The most abused word. It is the duty of a good woman to be unhappy and never complain about it. Why doesn’t anyone speak about these things? Everybody goes through the same rituals. Why do they try to pass it on? How does one put an end to it?
At least the question is out there. Somebody, somewhere will find the courage to face it.